so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
