please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
