Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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