Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
