Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
