yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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