member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
