look no pants
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
