You're so nebulous sometimes
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
