No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
