I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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