there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Boobs speak an international language.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
