I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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