I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
