I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize