Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
