You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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