im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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