Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
