Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
