I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
