You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
