her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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