she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
