Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
