you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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