I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
