Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
