remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
