Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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