I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dignity is for republicans.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize