never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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