But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
