I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
