I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
