so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
