but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
