seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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