Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
