Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize