i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
