i jhust puked up my retainher.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
