All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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