there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
