Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
