Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
