Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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