you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
