I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize