i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i love accidental penises.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
