i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
