were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
