they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
