I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
