My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up under a house in Key West
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
