Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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