come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard