Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

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  (480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is. http://tfl.nu/0bg6
  Replies (13) Good night (2453) Bad night (823)
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  (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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  (858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4449) Bad night (558)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?

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  (440): oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill? http://tfl.nu/149i
  Replies (85) Good night (1101) Bad night (7536)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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  (570): She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex. http://tfl.nu/nznj
  Replies (27) Good night (2593) Bad night (820)
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  (858): View more from California

  he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order

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  (858): he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order http://tfl.nu/kgbm
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (2071)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays

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  (615): I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays http://tfl.nu/4zqy
  Replies (17) Good night (4433) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people

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  (717): ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people http://tfl.nu/gtxu
  Replies (13) Good night (5042) Bad night (848)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.

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  (317): update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good. http://tfl.nu/p2ef
  Replies (6) Good night (4012) Bad night (838)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.

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  (802): She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up. http://tfl.nu/8mdh
  Replies (4) Good night (3557) Bad night (869)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters

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  (229): Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters http://tfl.nu/mh2z
  Replies (3) Good night (2547) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.

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  (904): Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel. http://tfl.nu/cy7e
  Replies (18) Good night (1346) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

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  (410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi
  Replies (10) Good night (1845) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever

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  (651): Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever http://tfl.nu/sex2
  Replies (6) Good night (1053) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life

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  (228): I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life http://tfl.nu/miua
  Replies (6) Good night (530) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.

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  (949): We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years. http://tfl.nu/m9m6
  Replies (12) Good night (993) Bad night (601)

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