I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize