Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
