It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
