I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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