I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
