he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize