are you still at the devil's house?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
