you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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