HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
