The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
