he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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