You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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