Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
