Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Randomize
