i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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