Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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