Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
